My husband and I have been married long enough now that we are seeing so many of our friends parting ways. I was married before my current husband so I have been in the getting divorced placed. However for me getting divorced allowed me to build the amazing life I live now. I say to my husband all the time that it scares me that we will because what we see in so many of our friends. He is my best friend my other half and I don’t want to think about him not being a huge part of my everyday life. Now my husband and I find our self watching couples that we have always known and loved as a pair parting ways. It sucks. Here is 3 reasons why.
1. They hurt. It is never sun to see someone you love in pain. In these cases I am seeing the pain of not only two friends but their entire family. In some cases couples have just grown apart and realize they are on different paths. The divorce has been peaceful but it is still painful. Others are anger filled separations. There are so many things that send a marriage off the tracks. Personally I think it mostly boils down to breaking a trust. If you cheat, lie, hide things the trust is broken and really hard to move past. Here is where it becomes hard as the friend. Each of them wants you to pick a side. They may not say it, they may not ask but deep down they want you to be on their side. I don’t want to pick a side, wait actually let me restate that I am not going to pick a side. I am still capable of loving both of you. I am still allowed to be friends with both of you. Now naturally in some cases my heart goes out to one over the other but each of you is in a different place and having a different experience. That right there is the hard part… Which story, which experience is the truth. My answer is both.
The kids. Okay this may not play a part in every divorce but even pets suffer. Kids lose a parent. They are used to mom and dad in the same house and if you have hid your issues as many parents do from your kids it will seem sudden. Kids are the people I worry about the most. I worry because who is really focusing on them in these times, making sure that they are processing all the mixed emotions. Kids are stuck without a voice in this situation so often.
Can I make my biggest most important suggestion in this entire little post right here
DO NOT TREAT YOUR KID LIKE A FRIEND IN THIS SITUATION. THEY ARE NOT THERE TO BE YOUR SOUNDING BOARD. DO NOT I SAID NOT SPEAK BADLY ABOUT THE OTHER PERSON IN FRONT OF THEM. They still love you both.. respect that. Encourage that. Now of course there are cases when this is not true but I am not talking about those.
The last reason it seems to suck for me personally lately. I find myself reevaluating my marriage. Is it as solid as I think. If all these amazing couples we have known over the years are not able to stay committed, faithful, happy in a marriage what makes us different. I mean these are couples who live a far more normal life.. not having a partner gone multiple times a month, not missing months on end as a couple because of deployment and they couldn’t make it work. How do we. Yes I realize this is self centered. It just seems to have gotten into my head and heart and made me far more grateful for the love we share.